Thank you for taking the time to read this story.
I was six
years old when I was sexually molested for the first time. Even into my
teen years, I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused. I thought
that I deserved it. I believed the lies of the enemy because they
were embedded in my heart. Throughout all of this, there was a yearning
to know more about God. In my heart I wanted so much more. I knew about
God because my family went to church every Sunday yet I wondered if
there was more.
As a teen Christian, I would abuse my body just to
block out the pain of reality hoping to at least find “love” in the
hospital from someone willing to bandage my wounds. I really didn’t
think that I had a problem. I just thought that this was the way it was
all supposed to be. In the midst of this, I would hear the voice of God
speaking to me, telling me things, sharing things with me. I would see
visions of Jesus yet I didn’t know who to talk to about this or who
would even understand. I didn’t know who I could trust. I didn’t know or
understand God’s love.
In the Pits
My past followed me
into my young adult years. When my first marriage started falling apart,
I thought that the only way that someone will love me is for me to do
things for them. I was addicted to alcohol and pornography. I was
sexually immoral. I even decided to work in different areas of the adult
industry. I didn’t care about my life or my body because I thought that
no one cared about me. I wanted to be the one in control (or so I
thought I was).
Do you know that in the midst of all of this, God was
still calling me? I was in the “pits”. Money had become my god instead
of the one true God. I knew that if I died right then in that lifestyle,
that I would go straight to hell. I knew what the Bible said. I heard it
all before. Hearing someone tell me this would not
have made a difference in my heart…
God Still Loved Me
God still loved me.
In His love, God came to me in dreams. In these dreams, I saw myself
running back and forth in a pit in hell. God gave me warning dreams of
His return. He would audibly tell me that He was coming back soon and to
be ready. I couldn’t understand why He chose to show me things like this
when I wasn’t living for Him. He told me that if I didn’t get out of
this lifestyle that I would die. I thought to myself, “Can I have a few
more months?” I was so bound by sin.
Then the Lord became really serious
with me and gave me a sobering dream and in this dream, I couldn’t tell
if I was awake or sleeping. I didn’t want to die in my sins. I didn’t want to
go to hell but I didn’t know how to get free from my additions. I
realized that I had to surrender to Jesus but would it be easy?
Receiving God's love
It wasn’t an easy
road. There were so many deep wounds of pain and abuse. There was so much
bondage. I didn’t know how to receive God’s love. I thought that saying
“the prayer” was good enough but my heart still seemed as hard as stone. I was at the
front of my church praying when a couple came to me and told me
that I needed to receive God’s love. They told me to tell God that I
receive His love. I had the hardest time saying that because I felt that
I didn’t deserve it. Finally, I said those words and at that moment, I
felt a warmth flow from the top of my head to my feet.
For the first
time, I started experiencing the love of God. Over time, the Lord healed
me from the different areas of abuse. He healed my heart from all of the
years of bitterness. The hardest person to forgive was myself but God
did what I thought was impossible. The Lord is in the process of restoring everything that
the enemy has stolen from me. I can’t imagine my life now without Jesus.
I could have died in my sins. Now, the Lord is allowing me to
share what He has done in my life, a life that seemed hopeless.
God Loves You
For those of you
reading this, God loves you. It doesn’t matter what you have done or how
many times you said you were sorry. Jesus is waiting for you with
His arms open wide, wanting you to come home. Don’t try and change
yourself before coming to Him. He wants you just the way you are. No
longer do you have to remain the same. No longer do you have to be
bound. You can be free today.
Here is a wonderful
passage from Romans chapter 3
“God treats everyone alike. He accepts people only
because they have faith in Jesus Christ. All of us have sinned and
fallen short of God's glory. But God treats us much better than we
deserve, and because of Christ Jesus, He freely accepts us and sets us
free from our sins. God sent Christ to be our sacrifice. Christ offered
His life's blood, so that by faith in Him we could come to God.”
Romans 3:22-26
The blood of Jesus is
so powerful that it is able to wash you clean from every sin that you
have ever committed. There is power in the blood of Jesus now and always will
be.
Today is a good day
for a new beginning. Today you can have a relationship with Jesus. The
Lord has many different ways of reaching us. You do not have to have a dream or
be in a church building to receive Jesus. Right now where you are, He is reaching out to you.
“But what does it say? ‘The word is near you, in your
mouth and in your heart’ (that is, the word of faith which we
preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe
in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth
confession is made unto salvation.”
Romans 10:8-10
Receive Jesus into
your heart. Believe in Him today. Say this simple prayer to receive
Jesus.
Dear Jesus. I am a
sinner. Please forgive me of my sins. Please wash me in Your blood. I
believe that you are the Son of God who died and rose again. I receive
Your free gift of salvation. I surrender my life to You. Please be my
Lord and Savior. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Lord
Jesus, thank you for saving me. Amen.
Welcome to the family
of God! The angels in heaven are rejoicing right now because you have
received Jesus into your heart!
There is so much joy in my heart for you this day.
Tell someone what you
just did! Let them know what Jesus has done in your life. Find a church
that believes and teaches the Bible. Become a part of a local church body.
You are never too old or too young to be a witness for Jesus. God has a
wonderful plan for your life. My prayer
is that the Lord will bless you and keep you.
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